How To Get Him To Open Up?

Sarah and Mike’s relationship was solid, yet Sarah often felt a disconnect.

Whenever she tried to ask Mike about his day or how he was feeling, his responses were short, and the conversation never went deeper. Sarah wanted more emotional intimacy but didn’t know how to get Mike to open up.

Does this seem familiar?

Many women, like Sarah, crave deeper emotional connection with their husbands but struggle to get them to open up. Often, men have a hard time sharing their emotions, not because they don’t want to, but because they fear rejection or criticism. Here are some ways to help your man feel comfortable enough to open up and share more with you.

1. Men Fear Rejection More Than You Might Think

A significant reason many men struggle to open up emotionally is the deep fear of rejection. In attachment theory, this fear can often be traced back to childhood experiences where emotional vulnerability may have been met with criticism or dismissal. Men often carry this fear into adulthood, worrying that opening up might make them seem weak or lead to judgment.

It’s important to understand that your husband may be afraid of being criticized or humiliated if he shares his deeper thoughts and feelings. To combat this, create an environment where he feels safe from criticism. Reassure him that his thoughts and emotions are valid, and avoid responding in a way that could come across as dismissive or critical.

2. Be Willing to Share at the Same Level

If you’re asking your husband to open up, make sure you’re doing the same. Emotional reciprocity is key. If he feels that you’re not opening up or that the relationship is one-sided in terms of emotional sharing, he may be more hesitant to share his thoughts.

Set an example by being vulnerable with him. Share your own experiences, fears, and insecurities, but do so without overwhelming him. By showing that you’re willing to be emotionally open, you signal to him that it’s safe to do the same.

3. Be a Good Listener: Validate, Be Curious, and Reflect

When your husband does start to open up, even if it’s just a little bit, make sure you’re actively listening. Active listening involves more than just hearing the words; it’s about engaging with what he’s saying. Here are a few tips:

        •       Validate his feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them. Let him know that his emotions are important and heard.
        •       Be curious by asking questions that show genuine interest. This encourages him to go deeper.
        •       Reflect back what he’s said. For instance, “It sounds like you were really frustrated at work today,” can help him feel understood.

4. Start with Thoughts, Not Feelings

Many men find it easier to talk about their thoughts than their feelings. If you jump straight into emotional questions, he might feel overwhelmed or unsure how to respond. Instead of asking, “How do you feel about that?” try starting with, “What do you think about that?”

For example, instead of asking, “How was your day?” try something more concrete like, “What did you do today?” or “What do you think about what happened at work?” These types of questions help ease him into the conversation without making him feel like he’s under pressure to share deep emotions right away.

5. Build Trust by Respecting His Vulnerability

One of the biggest fears men have when opening up is that their words will be used against them later on. If your husband feels that sharing his emotions with you might backfire—perhaps in an argument or as a point of criticism—he’ll shut down.

To build trust, ensure that whatever he shares is held with respect and care. Never use his vulnerability as leverage in an argument. When he feels confident that what he shares will remain safe with you, he’ll be more willing to open up again in the future.

6. Small Wins Lead to Bigger Steps

Opening up emotionally can be a huge leap for your husband, especially if it’s something he hasn’t done much of in the past. Recognize that this is a vulnerable step for him. Encourage him in small ways, celebrating even minor moments of emotional sharing.

The more success he feels in being vulnerable with you, the more comfortable he will become. Over time, those small steps can build into deeper, more meaningful emotional exchanges.

Getting your husband to open up isn’t about forcing him to share his innermost thoughts or feelings on demand. Instead, it’s about creating an environment where he feels safe, supported, and encouraged to take emotional risks. By being a good listener, sharing vulnerably yourself, and building trust, you can help your husband feel more comfortable opening up, strengthening your emotional connection in the process.

Dr. Lisa Arango is a Certified EFT Therapist and Millennial Marriage expert. To learn more, visit her website, or contact her to schedule a consultation.