The Perfect Guy: These 4 Subtle Tells can Reveal Whether or Not He’s Mr. Right
How do you know if you’ve really found the ‘perfect’ guy? I’m not talking about what you can see on his Bumble profile: his good looks, hobbies, bank account, or ever-so-charming personality.
Cause let’s face it, many of us have known guys that looked great on paper and we had great chemistry with, but they were hopeless long-term partners. Oftentimes, it can take months or even years of pointless heartache to realize they were never really relationship material.
The following 4 subtle but reliable tells can reveal early on if he really has what it takes to go the distance with you.
Whether you’re single and looking for Mr. Right, or wondering if you’ve already found him, this simple checklist is for you. If you answered yes to all of these, you’re probably on track to a healthy, solid relationship! If the answer is no, that could be a red flag and you may want to reconsider your current relationship or take steps to improve it.
1) Is He Curious About You? Does he genuinely want to be your friend?
According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading couples’ researchers, having a solid friendship is the bedrock of a long-lasting relationship. Gottman defines friendship as really knowing your partner's inner world. This requires spending time together asking questions about likes, dislikes, current stressors, life goals, and dreams. Does he ask what’s on your to-do list? Does he know what you worry about? How about the next adventure on your bucket list? When you tell him about the show you’re binging on Netflix, does he pay attention and even ask questions, although it might not be the most fascinating topic for him?
If his eyes glaze over and he stops asking questions when you talk about what’s important to you, that could be a big warning sign. And remember, this is ongoing, not just a one and done convo.
2) When You Reach, Does He Respond?
We call this bidding for connection, like when you reach for his hand, he grabs hold.
It’s so important that he tunes into your emotions and responds in ways that make you feel comforted, understood, and cared for. This is the key to building trust, security, and intimacy in the relationship. Most importantly, does he do this on a consistent basis? If so, you're well on your way to building a healthy, lasting connection.
3) Does He Communicate?
Or is he at least willing to try? Communication is the number one source of issues in any relationship. Is he able to express his feelings, let you know when he doesn’t like something, and ask for what he needs in a direct manner? When you have a disagreement, is he willing to talk about it or does he clam up, stomp away, or go into attack mode?
Your partner’s communication style will have a huge impact on every area of your relationship.
His lack of ability or at least willingness to improve in this key area can make even the most secure woman doubt herself and can harm any relationship.
4) Is He Secure?
Attachment security is fundamental to any healthy relationship. So how do you know if he checks this box or has issues with secure attachments, as so many do? First and foremost, he has to value his relationships in general.
There are also some specific things you can be looking for: is he comfortable depending on others, but also able to be independent? Does he get freaked out about closeness and intimacy?
If he has a secure attachment style, you don’t have to constantly wonder if things are moving too fast or too slow for him because he will tell you straight up (remember his communication skill of being able to tell you what he needs?).
So how does your relationship measure up? Did you see any red flags or does your guy check all the right boxes? You can use these fundamental characteristics as a good starting point to determine if he’s really the ‘perfect guy’, or maybe you’ll discover that it’s time to give your current relationship a tune-up by making improvements in these key areas.
Remember, relationships are reciprocal. So, you can also use this checklist to get relationship-ready and become Mrs. Right for Mr. Right, right now.
I hope this helps! But if you find yourself wondering how to work on any of the warning signs mentioned above, or just how to be more secure in current or future relationships, I would love to chat. You can book a 15-minute consultation with me by applying to work with me one on one or by signing up to the waitlist for Relationship Success Academy on my website. I’d love to hear from you!
Lots of love, LA